i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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