Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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