when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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