what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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