If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
