he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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