Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
