Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
