God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize