Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
