Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
