We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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