sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
