my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
