Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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