I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
