He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
