pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
