im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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