It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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