I cockslap morals
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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