Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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