i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
NoShamevember. You game?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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