She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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