so that wasnt chicken after all
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
