dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
