dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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