you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
