I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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