It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sex in a hospital.. check
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
