thus making me awesome and them whores
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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