My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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