Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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