Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
