Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
