Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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