I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
