The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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