Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
