Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
