Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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