i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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