What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
