hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
