There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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