the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
