Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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