Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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