girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
