I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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