i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
