I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
