I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize