You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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