If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
