Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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