do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
