when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
