and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
