Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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