i don't like sucking hair
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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