I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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