its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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