He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
