Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
