Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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