She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
