He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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