sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
