you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
