i wish my penis had a tongue
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
