I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
