Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
