the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
