What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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