I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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