2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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