He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
COCAINE IS GR8
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
