What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
