There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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