The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
