I hope mine doesn't look like that
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
