the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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