she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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