My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
