I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
