Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
