is your mom at the bar?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
