sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
