I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
