:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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