So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
