This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
