My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
