I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
