i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
