They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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