Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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