i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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