You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
