Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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