Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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